Abstinence is not Cool

I like to believe my parents are extremely fertile people. They’ve only had sex thrice (you can’t tell me any different – I won’t hear it!); I’ve got two other siblings. Now, I have no qualms with other married couples having sex – it’s just that my parents are NOT cool enough to have sex for fun! They probably did for the sole purpose of procreation and I thank them for that!

Abstinence is quirky. It’s distinctive. It’s eccentric. It’s unconventional. It’s an oddity – OWN IT!

ALL JOKES [and the sexual history of my parents] ASIDE! I think this is the issue with abstinence – it is just not for the cool kids! ‘Cool’ doesn’t buck the trend; ‘Cool’ isn’t mistaken for being a prude or frigid; ‘Cool’ doesn’t have to engage in a stare-off with the GP when you tell them you’re not sexually active; ‘Cool’ doesn’t have to excuse themselves / sit quietly whilst work colleagues / friends share sex tips / stories; ‘Cool’ doesn’t have to CONSTANTLY explain their choice to remain sexually dormant; ‘Cool’ doesn’t have to face bewildering looks from people when tell them you’re abstaining or a virgin – like they just saw a purple unicorn moonwalk in a Miley Cyrus twerk-suit.


Diddy’s the GP, in this scenario – just in case you were wondering

I think it’s great that people choose to wear purity jewellery (rings, bracelets and that) to show their commitment to abstinence; it gets people talking and it’s a wonderful physical reminder of the promise you’ve made. It is a visible demonstration of an intangible reality. However (call me Diogenes the Cynic, if you must), I don’t think purity jewellery will necessarily keep you on the straight and super narrow road that is Abstinence. It is symbolic, not an amulet; it certainly will not protect you from feeling some (*cough cough* THAT) type of way!

Sidebar: isn’t it interesting that purity jewellery is almost exclusively only marketed to women… funny that.

What also helps is healthy discourse, a robust support system and exercising [Holy Spirit-aided] self-control because these streets are yummy tough!

I don’t think we should shy away from discussing our decision to abstain neither do I think we should start making ‘Abstinence ‘R’ Us’ t-shirts and doing ‘Abstinence Pride’ walks. I think we should be confident; the kind of confidence that doesn’t succumb to pressure or ridicule. The kind that doesn’t need validation from anyone. I think that kind of confidence comes from knowing why you have chosen the path of abstinence.

I know you want me to spout off things like: abstinence is great because:

  1. It prevents unwanted pregnancies;
  2. It reduces the chances of catching STDs and the likes;
  3. It keeps your ‘magic number’/ ‘body count’ down”

Honestly, all these points can be easily rebuffed:

  1. Be crazy strict with your method of contraception;
  2. Go for check-ups regularly and screen your potential partners;
  3. A mature partner would not care about your body count.

We abstain because we are glorifying God with our (non-existent) sex-lives (weird but true)! Quite simply, it makes God happy – which in turn should make us happy!

Let me give you a few perks of abstinence:

  1. Grooming. (enough said)… there is no pressure whatsoever! You can miss an appointment or 4!
  2. Every day has the potential to be ‘Hole-y Knickers Day’! (Might get a petition going- watch this space!)
  3. Appreciating your partner for who they are and not just for what pleasure they might provide.

Sometimes, it feels like Welcome to Abstinence-City. Population: YOU. You are NOT alone! **cue the Liverpool ‘You’ll never walk’ alone football chant **.

P.s.  I might just start a ‘Abstinence ‘R’ Us’ brand! Coming to a sex shop near you!

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